I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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