2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
