Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
