Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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