I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
