he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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