Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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