I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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