Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
