Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
