pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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