saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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