I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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