He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
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IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂