i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.