I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things