you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????