its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
