i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
