if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
