hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
