there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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