Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
