She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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