just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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