I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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