You smell like stripper and shame
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
