party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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