He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
