Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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