I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
