The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize