i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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