I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
