he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
