3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
