he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
