We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i may or may not be watching the land before time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
