i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
