But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
