He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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