So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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