2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
