I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
