He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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