Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
