I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
