see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
