she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Come on in and take your pants off
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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