You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
