It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
