HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
