I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
