you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
