Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
