I wanna bring you to show and tell
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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