she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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