i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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