yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
