if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
