Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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