Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
