The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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