I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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