i permit you to call me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
