yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
